I Am All Verklempt Over a Change In Everyone’s Childhood Favorite Food, The Saltine!

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When was the last time you went to the store for crackers?

It seems like a silly question, I know. And it would be, if not for Saltines. Saltines, you ask? Those yummy, unassuming crackers of my childhood!

When you’re feeling under the weather Saltines have been there to sooth your troubled stomach. When I was a kid, my mom used to spread the Saltines on the counter and slather them with peanut butter and jelly for all six kids. It’s a memory that I cherish. Until my recent trip to the supermarket to find the Saltines of my childhood are nothing but a memory… a wonderful square trip down memory lane that has turned into something circular…

That’s right! Saltines are now a circle and not a square. I was appalled.

I felt like my childhood had been ripped away, but I decided to give these newly shaped crackers a try. And I was sorely disappointed. They don’t even taste the same. So I jumped on the Internet to find out what was going on, and in the tradition of (the colossal mistake that was) New Coke, Saltines have indeed changed their shape.

It turns out, I’m not the only one who feels the sting of circular Saltines. Dave Hill is a blogger and he had some pointed things to say about America’s seductive cracker… the Saltine.

Dave’s first book, Tasteful Nudes:…and Other Misguided Attempts at Personal Growth and Validation, was released on May 22, 2012 via St. Martin’s Press. As you can probably imagine, it pretty much has everything.

–Jim Douglas, Fresh 102.7


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