Five Christmas Songs To Clear The Room

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There comes that time in any holiday gathering when people need to go home. If you’re reluctant to say, “Hey, all the wine is gone. Go home,” just play one of these Christmas chestnuts and watch them scatter.

The Christmas Mouse — artist unknown

This is the numero uno worst Christmas song ever recorded. Grown men have been known to pull their own heads off at the sound.

This needs to be here. Why? Because you can find it nowhere else. My friend Andy has been tortured by this chance discovery of a rare old 45. I have to hear it at least once a year. I mean, I have to hear it no more than once a year. Share it with your relatives. The ones that deserve it.

Root Boy Slim and the Sex Change Band-Christmas at K-Mart

His real name was Foster McKenzie III. A Harvard grad who loved the blues and the bizarre. I got your Blue Light Special right here.

Tiny Tim-Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindoor

His one hit was “Tiptoe thru the Tulips,” but he was rockin’ the ukulele before Eddie Vedder‘s parents’ met. This is pretty awful.

Frankie Sidebottom-Christmas Is Really Fantastic

Frank E. Lee introduced me to the late great oddity, Frankie Sidebottom. I’ll never forgive him.

Joseph Spence-Santa Claus is Coming To Town

Lauded as one of music’s great grunters, Joseph Spence deconstructs Santa Claus is Coming To Town. Don’t tell anyone but this is my favorite version.

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