This morning the press broke the news — Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are getting married in September. Apparently their kids wanted it most; Pitt said, “It’s meaning more and more to them.”
(Is this really a surprise though? ZzzzZzzzZ…)
Why do some celebrities wait so long to tie the knot? And others wait 12 hours before they run to a Vegas chapel? In short, why are celebrities so strange about matrimony??
So we have Brad and Angelina: they’ve been together for six years and have accumulated six kids from around the globe. But they refused to get married until gay marriage was legalized across the US.
First of all, Brangelina, I doubt your refusal to marry would have done much to get a gay marriage bill passed through Congress. Are you that conceited? Second of all, you do realized that, (though legal in New York as of last month), gay marriage is not legal “across the US???”
Bah, you just can’t reason with these people. Read on to check out more strange celebrity marriages (and divorces).
Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries
Another Kardashian wedding will be aired on E!; Sources say Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are getting married Aug. 20 in California, with a camera crew at the ready. Kim plans to invite over 1000 people, get diamonds sown into her wedding dress, and try to squeeze as much attention out of the press as she can before people realize she’s famous for
nothing a sex tape.
I’m sorry, I think this whole “look at me” wedding campaign is weird.
We’ve also heard they’re having separate bachelor/bachelorette parties at clubs Tao and Lavo in Las Vegas later this month. The (only) funny Kardashian, Khloe Kardashian, warns that Kim may not like her bachelorette party much:
“I had the worst bachelorette party,” Khloé said, “Like it wasn’t sexy at all, so I might just do a payback for Kim…Because Kim does not like what she gave me, like penis straws and a little go-go dancer. Kim would cringe if I did that for her, so I might do that just to see what happens.”
Hahaha. That’s almost as funny as the awkward height difference between Kris and Kourtney.
Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson
Being married to Pamela Anderson was the “most fun” Kid Rock ever had. That’s too bad, since the marriage ended in less than six months.
And it doesn’t sound all that fun… Sources told TMZ both Pam and Kid raced to the courthouse trying get their papers filed first. Kid was there when the court opened at 8:30 AM and filed five minutes later.
Well, it would have been awkward for a kid to have a dad named “Kid” anyway.
Britney Spears and Jason Alexander
Hey there Jason Alexander! Very cute mug shot.
The no-name from Louisiana got his moment in the sun when he married pop-sensation Britney Spears in 2004, (and this was Britney PRE-bald phase! Lucky man.)
The marriage exceeded low expectations of trainwreck-ery when the couple divorced after 55 hours. Even more depressingly, Spears’ record company said the marriage was a “joke that had gone too far.” HA!
Lisa Marie Presley and Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson is strange enough without marrying Elvis’ daughter, especially since the romance occurred right after Jackson was acquitted from an accusation of touching little boys. But that’s what he did, and the nation collectively cringed when Lisa Marie Presley claimed Michael was ‘very hot’ in bed. Ew.
Michael’s friend Randy Taraborrelli confirmed that the attraction was real: “From their very first date… Michael and Lisa hit it off. Raised at her father’s impregnable home, Graceland, she had much in common with the world’s most famous pop star, cloistered away in Neverland. Both had been sheltered from the real world, missed out on their childhoods and were mistrustful of outsiders.”
Translation: they were both koo-koo-bananas and it brought them together.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have a relatively traditional history together: got married, had a kid, etc.
But then there’s the whole Church of Scientology thing… apparently the wedding ceremony for Scientologist couples includes passages where the groom is informed that “girls” deserve “frills” and “a pan, a comb, perhaps a cat.” The bride is instructed to remember that “young men are free” and can stray from their promises. Wat. Double standard much?
To be fair, Scientology isn’t just weird when it comes to weddings. Women should give birth in complete silence (yeah right). Humans got to earth when Xenu, an all-powerful alien, brought millions down to the surface and then blew them up with hydrogen bombs. You can’t make this stuff up.
So maybe my next post won’t be about weird celebrity weddings. Maybe I should just write about weird celebrity everythings.
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